Understanding Myself

Written Nov. 7th 2011
 
So many people say that you should embrace who you are, but what does that mean for all the people who have no idea who they are at all? Because that would include myself. What does it mean when you've gotten to the point where you're so lost in trying to find yourself that when you look in the mirror, there's a disconnect between you and the person looking back. Just another blank face with empty eyes reinforcing the hole in your chest where you know true passion should lie. Why is it that as years go by, parts of your life begin to wilt away, people come and go, goodbyes become harder and you still don't know the direction your heading in. In my mind I've got a basic plan; college>career>love>marriage>family>done. The American dream. But that's so vague, so uniform. So...boring. What about all the filler space? What goes in between? That's where I begin to question who I am, who I want to be, and what I should pursue in my life. Should I be an athlete? A musician? A writer? So much pressure builds up around you because you're trying to fit the ideals of society and please everyone else. That's what leads to my overarching question. How is anyone expected to be themselves when they have to worry about fitting within the lines of social acceptance? I think that's why I get so lost. Why can't I piece different things together to make an ideal life that makes me happy? Nothing is physically stopping me...Yet it's so difficult. It's difficult to show people exactly who or what you are because it makes you vulnerable. And vulnerability is a scary thing. So knowing my underlying fears, I challenge myself. I challenge myself to show my writing to someone I know. To someone who would have the opportunity to tear me down. I encourage you to do the same. Put yourself out there and just see what happens. It can only make you stronger. Because I think that if we get past the fear of vulnerability, we'll begin to understand and accept who we want to be, and no longer be afraid to show it.