Still lost

 And I still don't know what I'm doing or where I am yet. I know where I want to be, but I think that's my problem. I keep wanting to live ahead, to see whats coming next. I'm completely ignoring what's going on right now, in this moment. And I just don't understand why I do it because I keep telling myself to stop and to see whats in front of me, but I can't. I've grown accustomed to this fear of reality, and I don't know how to break it. I'm trying though, trying so hard... I've got it in me, I just know it. I just need to find whats missing right now, I just feel empty and I don't know what can fill that void. It isn't love, I know that. I've known what it feels like to be head over heels in love, and that isn't what I want. I need help finding this thing, so I'm turning to God. I need guidance and maybe He can help. Maybe He can point me towards the right path, the path where I'll finally feel something again. Because honestly, that's all I need right now. To feel.